How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
