We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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