You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
