I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
