I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
