hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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