life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
