I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My vagina is officially offended.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The Olympian is in my bed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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