you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
