May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
