you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
