Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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