Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
