not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
