This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
