Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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