i just wanna soil my oats bro
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Be still, my beating vagina.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
