Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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