Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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