There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
