CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
