Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
