The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
