I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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