I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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