So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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