am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
