Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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