bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
