I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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