we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My life is pants optional.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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