operation harelip BJ is a go
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
