Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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