come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
