These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
