Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
