Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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