I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
