some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
