I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
