I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
