I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
