5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
