Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
