Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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