is your mom at the bar?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's not a walk of shame if you run
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
