you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
