THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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