8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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