you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
