According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
